One day, there was a little maggot, and his name was Fred.
Now, once in a while, Fred and his little pet gerbil (Malekith) would sit on a turtle and force it to give in to the terrorists demands. The turtles were supplied by the U.S. Navy officer Sgt. R. MacDonald, who could often be seen in stripy tights and a red wig - usually whilst slagging off chickens.
Now Fred, who was a smug little so-and-so, decided he was going to do something about the rampant speaker infestation which had developed in his home not three weeks ago. He flushed the armchair and got to work.
First of all, he tried squashing the speakers with his mandibles, but that only made them angrier. So he tried burning them alive with the purple hosepipe - but no such luck - he was out of gas.
By that time it was too late. He felt himself slipping away. So cold. So cold.
"Coagulation?" Exclaimed Sam.
"Too true," said Fred, "and if it wasn't for those darn Saturation Police I would be a free man this very day".
"You ought to protest!" Malekith had a slight hint of marmalade in his voice. This usually meant he was craving a Tornado Sundae, but he had just devoured one last Tuesday so he was not due it.
"I agree, it's too often that you see a fine young maggot such as yourself on the leaves because of failures in the Executive." Sam was raging now.
"Then again," It was the Oblong Furniture Sewer's turn to join in now. "Then again, you can't rule out the possibility that you were set up."
"That's right!" Agreed Fred.
Just then, a wilder-beast popped his head in to see what all the commotion was about. He was quickly followed by two Russian gunships, brandishing Jamaican rum and looking very displeased.
At this point of the story, I think it is necessary to point out that no Teddy bears were harmed during it's concoction, and that all allegations regarding my earlier works are FALSE.
Later that day, Fred and Malekith set off on their journey. This was actually quite surprising, considering that not moments ago they had been tied up with cornmeal whilst being force-fed aubergine from a kettle. But they had decided that it was not enough to lead a life of marrow farming and nasal grazing. Somehow, somewhere, they were going to make a stand.
They had called all their friends the evening before to inform them of there imminent departure, which would take place under the fifth bus in aisle one. Unfortunately, due to the circumstances, they were not able to honour this commitment and now were hurrying off in the other direction.
Can anyone think of a dose that would help me think of a chapter 2?