by csocializt » Tue Mar 27, 2012 3:52 am
Alright, I just tried it a third time. Most intense reaction yet.
Started out the same, vague feelings of flying, but about halfway through I felt like I was laying on a cloud, waiting for God to greet me, I think. Then at the same time as I started having a bad reaction last night, I saw a really tiny skull in the corner of my closed eyes - everything else was pitch black, since I had a pillow over my eyes. Then suddenly I started falling back down to earth, and I knew that God had judged me and found me to be a sinner. At this point I stopped falling, and "looked" up - I was in a grave, and dirt was being thrown into it. As I was being buried I kept hearing some voice saying MINE over and over again, which I think was a hallucination of the devil. At this point I started crying and the dose finished. I am NOT a crier, I haven't cried in at least two years. At all.
I think the reason that I'm having such an intense reaction to this is that I'm a total atheist. I was curious to see what would happen, and I'm guessing that somewhere in the back of my subconcious, a primal part of my brain is still terrified that I may be wrong, in which case I would be going to hell after death. This dose which is supposed to grant me a hallucination of a meeting with God, I think, is terrifying to me on a subconcious level, simply because if there is a god then I am entirely screwed for eternity after death.
Please note I don't want this to become a religious discussion, I just feel that this may be the simplest reason that I'm having such strangely adverse effects to what is supposed to be a positive dose. Occams razor, and all.
So, I can now add Hand of God to my list of doses that work for me. Feel free to check out my other topic about getting doses to work better, I'd love to hear from you guys. Happy dosing, everyone.